Practice what you preach.

"Whitney Houston will never be fat." Eloquently stated by Ms. Houston herself, speaking in the third person, during an interview shortly after rehab (and years before she would be booed repeatedly during performances for acting crackhead-like and forgetting her own lyrics). The point is, Ms. Crazy Houston had the right idea (minus the cocaine) and I, too, hope to stay at a healthy weight that is natural for me (again, minus the cocaine). I know I will not be able to fit into my favorite pair of Joe's Jeans forever. I also know that having children can make your body explode. Shallow or not, it boils down to being healthy, feeling healthy, and the concept of practicing what you preach. How can I promote the concept of health maintenance in the little round butterball kids I will be seeing in clinic if I only eat vegetables on holidays and consider walking my dog to be exercise? The answer is - I can't. So despite the fact that my lungs just aren't the troopers they used to be, I try to go running at least 3 times per week on the Brushy Creek Trail(love it!) despite this ridiculous heat...which frankly makes me want to strip down and just run naked through the trees. Dangerous, I know, but that's what Calamine lotion and topical steroids are for.

As much as I love the trail, there are a few things that consistently bother me as I hit the pavement. Besides being frightened by the occasional lost deer, here are a few of my "pet peeves" if you will, or things that otherwise make me want to stay home.

1. Who likes to run with poo? No one, that's who. Which is why my neighbors should probably leave their giant German Shepards at home so I do not nearly run through their giant German Shepard piles of poop. Or if you are going to bring a dog, at least bring the small one that can easily be dragged to the side when he gets the idea to lay a big one on the trail and embarrass you.
2. MILFs. Holy crap...there are women, some who I am convinced just popped out their babies 3 months ago, who are out there in their running gear and performance strollers making me look like a 4 year old riding with training wheels. I consistently hear myself thinking "wow, her legs/arms/butt are phenomenal"...all while silently complaining about my shin splints or the bug I just swallowed. If these women can take a break from breastfeeding long enough to hike it up the trail with their kids then surely I can pick up the pace. And do it with a smile on my face.
3. Creeper bushes. And by that I mean if I were a creeper, I would certainly hide behind those bushes so as to surprise the unsuspecting med student who runs with her music ridiculously loud. I love to run through natural areas but sometimes nature needs a little work done...a little trim here, a face lift there. Because the trail + the creek + the tall, post torrential rain shrubs + the proximity to an overpass takes me to the scene of a Lifetime movie where a nice elderly man throws his fishing pole in the water and pulls out a woman's hand (or something). Yep, I watch too much Lifetime.
4. Bugs. I thought locusts only existed in the bible? Well I almost stomped on what could have only been a big, biblical locust sunbathing or shedding its skin or whatever it is that locusts do with that much stillness. As I've said before, I love being outside; I like camping, but I hate bugs. Somewhat mutually exclusive, I know...like HPV and genital warts.
5. No clean white tees. I have a uniform when I run: Nike running shorts and a white men's v-neck tagless t-shirt. Why white? Because it is cooler. Why v-neck? Because that way I can fully rotate my neck as I'm running through forest and scan for shady men in my periphery. Why tagless? Because tags scratch when I run, duh. So if laundry hasn't been done in a couple of weeks (okay more like a month) and there are no available plain white tees and/or Nike shorts, this girl is staying put.

So there it is. The top 5 reasons that I will not be a marathon runner in this lifetime. Regardless, I hope I will be lucky enough to live in a city as great as Austin, Texas where even the post partum mothers get outside and shake their goodies.